the art of self-possession….balanced with an abandonment of self

Recently had the pleasure of playing a weekend of shows with wonderful musicians Jon Fadem & Dave Jonsen. I have played with both of these guys since I was 17 or somethin. Ease and comfort (musically) is natural, with a background like this. However, other variables had been thrown in straining this ease….strangling it. Without a good amount of focus, and composure keeping these outside forces can really do some damage. I welcome a good challenge…really I do…But sometimes I just want to sit somehwhere quiet and avoid anything and everything. So without going into much detail, this weekend served me a challenge that was more personal than ever before (and it shouldnt have) What had i gotten myself into. “I should just go crawl in a hole”…started souding really nice. So easily I can end up memorializing these feelings into a very negative place with an accompanying scowl.  Self-worth plays into this alot. Knowing and feeling like “you” have a place “here, right in this moment”, is  key for everyone involved. Doesn’t matter from a band, management, crew, or listener perspective. What people take away from your performance has everything to do with their ENTIRE POV on YOU! Granted if you have left an impression that was positive, mystery and intrigue may enter into play which gives them some idea that they want to have about you. This is very dangerous sometimes…because with this might come false interest that has everything to do with what you do, not who you are. Musically you are a vessel. An energy flows through you, connects with the other vessels (the ppl u r on stage with/ the audience) and becomes one very powerful living, breathing, essential experience to the human spirit. wow…cool …you should feel good about this…everyone should…everyone should go see/feel this all the fucking time. In the midst of all this I cant help but point out that on a quest for this “honest musical vessel feeling” which comes and goes, requires alot of will power not to put a shotgun in your mouth sometimes…Ask any of um….that are still alive…its painfullll. Being some-what self aware of this, a balance can be maintained….and then happiness. you can’t improve a situation without dragging your ass through it once and learning from your mistakes. It was a great two days of music though…Thanks to Dave, Jon, everyone @ PBakers, and PPub. – Jon Fadem’s band…Dave and I have participated through-out the last few years… – Dave’s Music MYSPACE page


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